


the few things

by llostt_in_ttranslationn



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: But it has a happy ending i promise, F/F, kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-17 23:45:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15472734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llostt_in_ttranslationn/pseuds/llostt_in_ttranslationn
Summary: Tobin is bad with feelings, but she's certain that she loves Christen.





	the few things

**Author's Note:**

> Oops. I swear when I post stuff like this it's all written in like an hour or two. So it's not totally stealing me away from my main fics. But the song that this story is named after just really hits me in the feels so I had to write something based off it. I hope you like it.

It's not that Christen thinks Tobin doesn't love her.

But in every single past relationship she's had, everything crashed and burned because she loved them more than they loved her. And Christen doesn't think she could handle it if the same thing happened with Tobin.

She isn't sure she's strong enough for that. Not this time. Because Christen hasn't loved anyone as much as she loves Tobin.

That's why Christen is so scared. She's worried that Tobin isn't in love with her just as deeply.

And that would absolutely crush her.

Admittedly, pulling away from Tobin probably isn't the best way to get the other woman to know how she feels, but Christen doesn't want to give Tobin the opportunity to break her heart.

So, she'll break her own heart trying to keep it safe.

Tobin's oblivious enough not to notice, anyways. Or so Christen hopes.

(She's not.)

"You're being an idiot," Kelley tells her when Christen confesses what she's been doing.

"You're supposed to support everything I do," Christen tells her. "That's what best friends do."

Kelley rolls her eyes. "Not when you're trying to sabotage your entire relationship."

"I don't need you telling me how to live my life," Christen grumbles, sliding out of the little booth in the corner of her favourite cafè.

Kelley opens her mouth to shoot back a retort, but she snaps it closed just in time to cut herself off.

She knows Christen is being irrational, and she refuses to fuel the fire.

So she watches silently as Christen slinks out of the shop.

A part of Kelley wants to call Tobin and tell her what's going on, but she figures that'd be going against Christen's whole "plan" or whatever it is, so she doesn't.

A few blocks over at Christen and Tobin's apartment, a similar conversation is being held.

"Lex, I don't know what to do. I can feel her slipping away," Tobin frowns. "I don't know what I did."

"Have you tried asking?" Alex asks.

Tobin shakes her head. "She's been avoiding me for two weeks. I feel her slipping into bed hours after I've gone to sleep, and I wake up in the morning to a cold, empty bed."

Alex can tell her best friend is really torn up about everything, and that's saying a lot, considering Tobin is usually very stoic and even a little broody.

"You've gotta talk to her, Tobs."

Tobin nods. "I know. I just... I don't know how. You know I'm not good at this stuff."

"It's okay. As long as she can see you trying, that will really help," Alex says.

"Okay," Tobin agrees. "Okay, I can do this."

Alex smiles. "Atta girl."

Tobin nods to herself a few times, trying to convince herself that her words are true.

Alex can see the utter fear in Tobin's eyes as they hear keys jingling in the lock of the front door.

"Fuck," Tobin lets slip out quietly. "Alex, I can't do this."

Alex slaps her on the shoulder, a little harder than maybe necessary. "You can, and you will."

She stands up from the couch. "I believe in you," She tells Tobin before heading for the front door, nearly slamming into Christen in the process.

"Sorry," Christen mumbles.

"Hey, you okay?" Alex asks softly, already knowing the answer.

Christen shrugs. "Yeah,"

"Tobin wants to talk to you," Alex. tells her. "Be patient with her, please."

Christen finally meets Alex's eyes. "Okay."

Alex can see the pain swirling around in Christen's green eyes.

She pats the other woman's shoulder gently as she brushes past, showing herself out.

Christen lingers in the threshold of the living room for a few long moments before Tobin finally looks up to meet her gaze.

"Can we talk?"

Christen makes her way over to the couch, sitting down in the nook between the back of the couch and the armrest, curling into herself as she faces Tobin, who's perched at the other end of the couch.

Christen looks at Tobin expectantly.

"I-" Tobin stumbles. "I don't know what I've done to upset you, but I really wanna fix it," She says quietly, and then adds an even softer whisper. "Please let me fix it."

Christen curses herself for causing Tobin's beautiful brown eyes to be filled with sadness. Matbe Tobin cares for her more than she thinks. "I'm the one who should be sorry."

Tobin tilts her head in confusion.

"I've been an awful girlfriend," Christen sighs. "I'm just... I guess I'm scared."

"Of me?" Tobin asks, eyes wide.

"No," Christen inhales sharply. "Of the way you make me feel."

"Do I make you feel bad?" Tobin questions, not understanding, fearing that she's done something to really fuck everything up.

"Not at all," Christen frowns. "The opposite, actually. You make me feel so, so good. And that terrifies me. Because the last two times I've felt like this, I've had my heart ripped out of my chest and stomped on like a burnt out cigarette that someone was done with."

"And you think I'm gonna do that to you?" Tobin asks sadly.

She can't believe she's doene this to Christen. Made her so worried about how committed Tobin is to her.

"Baby... I'm so sorry I've made you feel like that. I'm kinda new to this whole 'feelings' thing," Tobin admits. "But I promise you, I've never once doubted my feelings for you. I guess that's maybe why I don't bring them up much. I forget you can't read my mind."

Christen quirks a smile. "If only..."

"Listen, Chris," Tobin scoots over so that she's right next to Christen and she can grasp the other woman's hand. "I love you, okay? And I know I probably don't say it enough, but I love you more than I've ever loved anything else. And I'll say it more, okay? I promise I'll never let you question how much I love you ever again."

"I don't want to force you to do anything, Tobin," Christen squeezes the other woman's hand, breaking their eye contact.

"You're my future, Christen," Tobin assures her. "When I think about where I wanna be in ten, twenty, thirty years, you're always right there by my side. I'll build my life around yours. I don't care where we are or what we're doing, as long as I have you."

Christen lets a tear slip out of her eye, but Tobin is quick to swipe it away with the pad of her thumb.

"I guess after two years I just kinda assumed that you knew that," Tobin shrugs. "That was wrong of me. I should've talked about it with you, but it's not just something to casually bring up, y'know? I've never been good at saying how I feel. But this, what we have, it's one of the few things that I'm sure of in my life."

"I didn't know," Christen says quietly. "I never knew how much you truly cared. If it was as much as me. I guess I could have brought it up, too. But I was scared you'd run away at the mere mention of commitment."

"Well, I'm fully committed. Now you know. You don't have to worry, Chris. You're not gonna lose me. I'm here for as long as you want me."

"How does forever sound?" Christen asks, teary eyed but with a soft smile.

Tobin grins. "It sounds like a good start."

Christen lets out a small laugh. "Forever it is, then."

"I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at llostt-in-ttranslationn and tell me what you think and/or yell at me to write my other fics.


End file.
